Trust and Deception
Trust is something that most people learn as they step further into their own existence; a firm belief in the reliability, truth, or strength of someone. It comes naturally, without questions or very few, most of the time. I would qualify this offering particularly easy to give, when it comes from anyone else. After all, don’t they believe in others long before they start to grow doubts? I must admit being jealous of their capability of being so innocent. On the other side, this would completely go against everything I had worked for. Perhaps, there must be a certain balance needed between trust and secrecy, in order to survive. The lands are so full of enemies…
What does one like me do when given trust? Am I such a monster that I have an urge to betray everyone? Of course not. Treachery is probably what I despise most, on top of all. Trust is simply a way of finding a certain safety, nothing more.
(…)
I was sitting on an old wooden bench, near the Narrowhaven Bank, after a long and exhausting hunt. My long sleeved dress was gracefully stained with the blood of a few creatures that had decided to die too close to where I was standing. Contrary to others, my appearance wasn’t really the most crucial concern on my mind at that moment, while I was collecting every men’s opinion about it. These recent days had been rather calm in the Family, and I had no particular plan into choosing to add another member. I would only say to myself "C’est la routine, rien de plus, rien de moins." And would simply smile back to them as a silent answer.
After some endless minutes of accepting everyone’s critics about my lovely appearance, I noticed a hooded man that sat onto the bench just in front of mine. I very lightly frowned as I attempted to hide the storm of emotions that was raging inside of me. I knew who he was, for having followed Fenrir around on some particularly stressful occasions. The faces of his friends were scrolling in my mind quietly as I stared blankly at him. I see no shame in confessing that I was somewhere close to being terrifyied of him. I had heard many tales of his exploits and we were certainly not on the same side. He must be one of those that are blinded by light, again. I couldn’t help myself but to picture him kill me a thousand times, in all the creativity such act can allow. Fortunately, I could still feel my usual smile frozen onto my lips, hiding the horrible thoughts that were almost stamped in my mind.
– Maybe he was sent to me to push me into a well planed trap? –
– Nobody is ever that kind with me… that is suspiscious! –
– He waited for me to be alone, unprotected… well played. –
Paranoia was holding me in its arms again, and even I wasn’t able to see how particularly ridiculous all those twisted dreams were. He was asking a lot of questions, seeming curious on some details others wouldn’t even notice. I was constantly alternating white lies and truth, depending on the situation. Strangely enough, something inside of me wished I could be honest with him. It was somehow heartbreaking to silence this intuition and to continue on telling evasive answers or double meaning sentences. I just couldn’t ignore the first rule of all; never trust anyone, as they will only seek your own destruction, if they knew. I had previous experience on that level, with my long lost Selena…
(…)
Insane? I can hardly think of better words to describe myself now, for having gone against the first rule that bad. I had invited Fenrir fully into my secrets and it could be potentially deadly… in a way. I have tried to avoid him, and usually I find no particular obstacle to fleeing. But this time, it was very different. I am still unsure about what word I could put over such passion and desire to keep him mine forever. Greed? Perhaps, it might be similar to the curse of obsession even thought it feels more like a blessing? That question will remain a mystery, for now, but I’ll have to act in order to survive.
In the back of my mind, despite those twisted thoughts I had, I -knew- that he could easily be the protection I had been looking for, all those years. In his arms I had found warmth and the comfort needed so I could lower my guard, just for a precious while. I -knew- nothing could happen, as long as he would be by my side.
I had just learned trust, for the first time.
