The (online) Journal of Clerist Adair

Sick Second Chances?

That’s what it seems like. The way she looks, the way she talks, the way she walks, the way she smells, the way her velveteen skin lays in my hand.

Her magic is frightening, I’ve only seen power like hers once and it always created lots of explosions and damage, it never seemed deliberate. She had such control, it was almost frightening.

My Del’s was different, without magic, she was a kind gentle school teacher. This Delia, seemed different, she was almost dejected from society, she felt guarded and impassable. I don’t know what to make of her.

Every night I hear her above me crying, sobbing over the loss of her husband. She speaks of him as if he was some kind of more than noble hero. I fear I’m being compared to him or maybe she is looking to replace her loss. It’s a comforting yet terrifying proposition. Already she has said that her husband was a great man, therefore I must be great, but I am not.

I must be careful and avoid her feelings to not become a replacement to her husband, a man I am not.

Though I can’t say that I haven’t found myself testing the waters with playful flirts. Have I been forgiven? Is this God’s way of saying, you may have a second chance? Part of me begs yes, part of me is scared to death of losing her a second time.

I know I wont make the mistake a second time, I’ll be there always, she should have come first before.

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