Scarlet; the Face of Paranoia
One, two, three… eight. I have managed to lure and imprison eight souls for my protection. Eight valiant men and women ready to give up their lives for the continuation of mine. It’s the way it should always be. I’m not sure if it is enough yet! I do feel that I am getting close to the maximum number I can possibly have control upon. Can it ever be too much? For that are so many dangers lurking around… watching, spying, leaving traps for me to fall in. Everyone seeks my destruction, as it always have been. I still wonder how it would feel like to hear a true "I trust you" only once.
They think I don’t see, they think I fall into traps all the time… but I have many faces to show. Ever changing to my own desires, for situations I find suitable. It is always best if an enemy underestimate you. After all, does anyone truly wishes me any good? I doubt so.
I heard some having dreams about me, others feeling something odd about my "I-don’t-remember-what". I am not a fool… I know it’s only a question of time before my whole world completely collapse in front of everybody. I have to admit feeling the urge, sometimes, to run at the surface on a public spot, and pull down my dress. Look! Everyone look the monster that I am! You have all felt it, didn’t you? You have all seen it, guessed it! Look now, and let your ignorant judgments fall upon myself!
People fear what they cannot comprehend, yet nobody ever made an effort to -try-. Some think I speak without the experience to support my knowledge, but my eyes have seen much more than the twenty autumns I seem to have lived. I have the memories of a particular crowd of pure madness holding pikes and torches in the middle of the night. The sky wasn’t even that reassuring dark blue shade anymore, it was lit with fires of insanity. Why always the night? Humans are scared to see their own faces in a random puddle of water? Would they be secretly shameful of the acts they are about to commit? Shameful enough to avoid looking at themselves? Shameful enough to despise their own behavior? The power of crowds leading them to frenzy must be of a strong attraction.
They are weak. They will forever hide behind others and "faith" to give a meaning to their own ignorance.
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– Evil must be burnt for purification!
Oh irony? Who was this Narrowhaven man that was claiming this in front of me? What was his definition of evil, I wondered. Perhaps I was included in it? Then it would mean that he would enjoy watching a fire consuming my flesh? Either way, I managed to simply smile to him, as I usually do in situations that are leaving a bitter taste behind.
Everything had been piling up, today. Too much. The loss of a family member, a stalker, some grim news… and so much more. Every time I take a step outside, I could swear they are there. There, waiting for me to take a bad step! Many eyes from different sides; blue eyes, green eyes and red eyes. None of them is better than the other outside of a single detail I will keep to myself. I’ll say, slightly better!
– Samael, you know how we are! Stay. I feel like I’m running too fast towards our fate. They are always watching, you see…
At this point, I am myself unaware of the paranoia leading my life. Perhaps I tend to easily fall in excess?
