Quinn’s Journal (I)

And so she died, no surprise. Kiara was as dead as any other mortal could classify themselves as alive. She, inevitably, suffered the same fate as her predecessors, and the mortals who would come after her.

And yet I must live on. And yet I must continue to be eternal. Any yet I must continue to be the one object for which is most despised, but cannot ever outlive the hatred.

And yet I am so made that I cannot care.

My son is born, I ripped the squirming, disgusting, shouting little imp from her lower abdomen, and snuggled him to me. He is but all that remains, and he will also die before I die. He is indelibly stamped with the same repulsive sentence anyone else of his condition is born. He was born mortal, and not made eternal.

She bled to death, and while I may very well have stepped in, why should I? Mortals die all the time, and I am prohibited from interfering in that. My duty is balance. Nature has graced by with the judgment and ability to supersede it. I am eternal, and that is the fact, not the exception.

So my son will grow, as all things grow, and I will watch him die… but I will still teach him in the manner his mother would have taught, and I will be a hypocrite. I will tell him to do all that is good, I will instruct him in the manners of his mothers will, because he deserves that much. I could not possibly teach him in the reason that governs me, he is but mortal, and I am but forever… The finite cannot understand the infinite.

I have never known love before it was spell with the letter "K," but only one "K" may remain. If love may be eternal, so is pain, and I am tormented by the rupture of her tiny abdomen. I am tormented by the gentle eyes that stare still upon me, expecting everything… but doomed to nothing.

There is but one more letter "K" which affords me the eternal luxury of love and pain. And still, too, I have failed her. I have been unable to protect my entire heart, and I am doomed to the misery of my failure, but graced with the eternity to feel the misery. Kairi is engaged, but still mine… always mine. Who could not be mine?

Everything is always mine.

I am the King of All things. I have many pretenders. I am often emulated, but never duplicated.

I am eternity, the beginning and the end. I am the ice before water, and the water before steam, and the steam before water again, and then ice again.

I am the diamond before dust.

I am the light before dusk.

I am the darkness, and the shadow, and I am the source of the shade.

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