Journal of a Paranoid Succubus
(OOC; This journal, written in tiefling, will be hidden somewhere in game and one could find it if lucky enough)
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To Malachite,
It now has been almost sixty years of your absence and still, I can’t seem to find a potent way to erase my single -but deadly- mistake. I’ve tried working alone, like we used to, together, but things only worsened. How could I possibly achieve anything without you? Did you only think, for one second, what would happen to me, once you would be gone? Even the best of us make some "faux pas", it seems… I am tired. My efforts have pulled me a long way from my life outside society, but never pushed me closer to a solution to my problem. I’ll admit, I’m growing out of patience and even desperate. Since you are not there to level me back, I know I will over react and the consequences will probably be devastating. To hell! What can I do?! I know, I even managed to lie in my writing… but I know you understand my lies.
It has already been done. I’ve found a potential way to bring you back, or at least assure your well-being. I’ve signed a contract with Hatred, and at the end of it, you shall be saved. He’s despicable and backstabbing, but I trust in the nature of the contract. It has to be fulfilled on both sides, just like the ones I seal with my victims. The price is high, but I deserve to suffer for what I have done. I fully accept the problems that will come out of it. Family being Family, and you being my only true one, this is the only rule I will live and die for. Others don’t understand and I don’t expect them to. You, you already understand…
***
Oh, yes, I have met two other tieflings! You remember our aunt we were unable to track down and suppress? It happens she had a cursed child, just like us, a little girl. Sadly, or fortunately for her, she seems "trop gentille". It reminds me of the other tiefling too, an older man who thinks he can tame the demon within. I suppose they will both simply hush their nature down until they think it gone or well harnessed. They are living together after the man left me for unknown reasons, he says. I am not blind, brother, I always know when people think of me being flawed by my nature. I’ve heard reproach, and I feel betrayed… You were right, all those years.
***
Yesterday, I was walking in Narrowhaven, quietly, and I stumbled on a little crowd of people arguing again. I don’t know what rushed into me, at that moment, but I felt as if it was just plain enough. The two were still together (yes, I still dislike feeling rejected) and I didn’t feel like joining anything around them, so I walked by without a word. All those city troubles should be concerns for me, but I simply don’t care. I know that if they all knew, they would just yell and demand for my death, like they have done for you. They only deserve to suffer for it…
So, I went at the bank and decided to throw away items overloading my chest, just hoping time would pass by. It’s at that moment, he opened the door. A man wearing the strangest head dress and bringing along the smell of nature. I don’t think I could describe him to you, so I will draw his portrait, next time we meet. I had never seen him before and wondered where he was from. I couldn’t tell exactly what about him reminded me so much of you… Perhaps his self assurance? All I know, is that it had been ages since I had not felt this strange spark in someone’s presence. My curiosity was so excessive (I know, one never changes) that I directly asked him the most silly question that was on my mind: "Can I go visit your home?". Asking such to a complete stranger, I wondered myself what got into me… but I think I understand more my behaviour, now that I’m distanced from it. I felt as if I was asking you to bring me home. As much as it pains me to notice it, it proves that the hole you left behind cannot even be filled with time. Nothing, and no one could ever replace you.
*At this point, in the middle of the fourth page, the handwriting changed drastically, seeming harsh and irregular, nothing close to the previous fancy rounded shapes of it.*
He agreed to take me to his home and I followed him in the streets, avoiding all people and making sure NOBODY followed us! Since they were all looking at me, I couldn’t know! So, I kept glancing over my shoulder, and almost running behind Erik (it’s his name), because I couldn’t seem to catch his fast pace. In a matter of a second, I was lost. We were both in the sewers and I can’t even recall where and how we got there. I heard a thick stone wall close after me, once we entered a secret passage, and next thing I knew, my body was flush against the stone wall and fighting my way out would have been hopeless. It seems as if he was suspicious about my true intents which, for once, were not evil. And then, and then, and then *A long line of red ink traced until the end of the page, leaving to imagine the table under must have suffered its continuation* I got scared and thought I was a prisoner of my own Family and the Town, you see? Choosing to be alone on this day was a bad decision, but you used to take them all for me… and he reminded me of you. You must have led me there Malachite! I’m sure!
So, Erik did not kill me yet and brought me through the mountains, from an underground passage, right to his "Den", he called. Once on the spot, even if I would have had any bad intentions, I couldn’t remember where I was coming from. East or North? Which was which? I never could find my way on any map and it was not about to change. He entered first, and when I did, there was no one. I walked around the place, just able to hear faint noises that seemed to come from all around me at once. I honestly thought I had imagined -all- of this. It wouldn’t be the first time I would lose my mind over memories and false hopes… Pure madness to enter such a dark place, without anyone to protect me. Pure MADNESS! *Red scribbled lines were circling the word madness, putting a particular emphasis on it*
They appeared all at once, growling and dangerous, behind me, dark and large wolves! I ran in the opposite direction, where I could see the faint light of a fire. There was no exit. Just a round room! I thought this was my end, eaten alive by animals, alone of course. In dark smoke, all stopped and they were gone, so sudden. I could only hear my own nervousness constantly echoing back to me. This must have been a trap! Someone had sent him to destroy me forever… how did they know… nobody knows a lot about you, Brother…
I don’t know if I just didn’t notice him earlier, but Erik was sitting on some kind of throne, I believe, watching at me in amusement. My mind must be frosted, because after, he was something I had never seen before and I still don’t know what I saw exactly. And then! He was back to human? Was he? *A long line of red ink traced again until the end of the page*
Do you believe in nightmares becoming true, Malachite? This, was one. He asked me about my nature, he wanted to know it all, and I knew it couldn’t be reality. Or if it was, someone had betrayed me, again? I had the choice to speak or die, so I spoke. I even showed him the worst, expecting he would throw me in flames right away, but he surprisingly did not. I was and am still confused. He seemed more intrigued and almost admiring. I told him about the Perfection I was seeking, and had walked there with silly hopes, despite knowing "hope" is not something I should ever think about…
*The handwriting changed back to the previous fancy rounded shapes*
For the first time since you died Malachite, I felt -happy-. Perhaps it is true that you led me there to show me a different side. The best ones are always hidden away. I know now, because you were, back then. I don’t know how this alliance will end up, but I trust it can be a little different, this time. After all, they share the same opinions I have on so many levels, especially about Perfection.
