What is this seem you have stumbled upon?
It appears to be some kind of lengthy personal journal entry that must have been misplaced…
I wish i could make all things right once more. Such as they were, before we parted ways so many years ago.
When we yet knew peace and happiness and one another.
Before you told me never to look back.
We both knew the truth, there and then. There would be nothing to look back to from the moment our eyes looked the other way, each to our own.
Tomorrow will always be another day.
It was you who told me to always face each new dawn bravely and boldly. The wisdom of yesterday would ever carry me on its wind, grant me the day and show me the path to a better tomorrow.
I must believe you. I wish, with all of my soul and being, you only could have promised me tomorrow would be a day i would want to find myself in. It has never been the same without you. I don’t know if it ever will be.
No matter how many seasons come and go, you will forever keep your place in my heart.
I can’t help but wonder if you still keep me in yours. Can you even still do that, wherever you are now?
The passage of time only makes my memories stronger. How we used to joke and play, how we kept together through calm and storm alike, unconditionally. How you taught me how to handle myself, to find food and make shelter. To hunt. To survive.
Survive…
Do you remember how we used to gaze out to sea and at the stars, as the two moons lined the night sky?
How you once told me no matter how small and insignificant i may feel, the skyward lights and heavenly bodies are no different to anyone. No matter which walk of life we may be, all remain children to the same mother who carries us in her arms and asks for nothing in return?
I could never forget, and i know you would not. But i do not know if you even can remember anything anymore.
All of that which i am, i owe it to you. Time and time again you gave me your care. Your love. Your mentorship.
As far as i knew, there was no end to your greatness. Except that which tore us apart.
Try as i might, i cannot understand why. Did we do something wrong? How can it ever be wrong to do what is right? We never troubled them, we never hurt any of them, and yet they came in force. Came to deliver their harsh judgement upon us, calling us the "Anflaustrailious", the dispossessed who lack warmth. Even creatures they would consider vermin were held in higher regard than us.
You taught me that all life is sacred, and i believed you, even as the oppressors ceaselessly destroyed everything we had ever known and hunted us without pause, lacking any fragment of mercy or reason.
I… still believe you.
Even as the world goes out of its way to assure me all lives are sacred but ours. Even as you are gone now.
I should feel anger… hatred… utter rage… but these are not the values you taught me in the time we had together.
Yes, i have felt the urges with every fiber of my being and in my mind i have wished them death and misery, but… it is wrong.
If my wishes came true, would i be happier? Would i feel better? Would it right the wrongs?
… No, and it would not bring you back with me. Even if it would, i feel solemn doubt in my heart you could even look at me ever again.
And i would not blame you for it. I would be no better than them.
There is always a better way, as you would tell me in my youth; If only you are brave enough to search for it.
I can only wholeheartedly agree and i am not afraid. It brings my thoughts to something else of value you told me.
"If you stand to face with Death without choice… Become Hope. The last thing to leave any true survivor is hope."
Hope… That will be my own virtue i will always strive for.
The peace and happiness we once knew is still out there somewhere, waiting for me. The world is a very large place, much larger than i ever thought it could be from the safety of our island, and while it is harsh and unforgiving, it is also beautiful and full of wonders.
At night when i dream of that peace, it looks a lot like you. Descending from the heavens above, giving the world a single touch of your grace and all is well, ever after.
I am certain it will not be quite so simple in reality, but i can always dream.
I stand ready, whatever may come.
If only my words could describe how dearly i miss you, Mother…
I was not ready to go when i did. Not as it were, so soon, so fast, so… suddenly.
When you forced me into that cramped tunnel as the oppressors were about to breach our home, and told me those dreaded words i could never forget. As if it happened right here and now…
"Never look back, Aeitheiyniyah. There is nothing to come back for behind you now. Your whole life is ahead of you and await at the end of that tunnel. Only promise me this one last thing… You must survive, no matter what happens."
I remember how i only looked back to meet your eyes one last time before the entry behind me collapsed.
And with that, our time was no more. From here on it was just i. And the whole world beyond i had never known.
If only there was some way for me to let you know i kept my promise.
I have found myself in a land called Britannia, where i have met other beings who can speak and look after each other. I hope to find my own place among them and find lasting safety.
I want to trust them and do whatever i can to keep them safe as i try to do for all life, although i have learned not all of them are trustworthy.
It is very far from the idyllic life i once knew together with you, safety is a very fleeting feeling.
While parting ways with you was and will always be painful and difficult, i want you to know that i am happy, i have made new friends, friends i am anxious to see as often as i can.
I am not like them, and most of them do not look kindly upon beings such as myself. It is my hope i can convince them i am no threat, and find tolerance among them for my presence without either of us fearing for our lives.
But there are so many of them, and only one of me, it is a challenge to be brave when you are lonely in such a large world.
I have to find a way. I will find a way.
Somehow.
I have come to realize every end is just a new beginning.
The past was our time, it was a good and joyful time in my life because you made it so.
Now it is my time, i may have lost much, but i gained a whole world and i want to do everything in my power to make it as great as i just can make it be, for everything and everyone.
It only becomes as good as we make it, is that not what we used to say to one another..?
Wherever you are mother, i wish you all the best.
I will always record my memories of you in my journal such as this, and here i will close it up with a little poem for us.
‘As we part ways, we may never see each other again.
As we part ways, we may never be the same again.
As we part ways, we may never be family again.
As we part ways, you may never recognize me again.
However…
As we part ways, know that i will never forget us.
As we part ways, i will always remember us.
For as we part ways, our paths will take us home.
And you will find me there, waiting for you.’
Thank you for everything, mother.
